


I’m stuck in winter and you’re my fire

by creamy_nuggets



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phandom - Freeform, Rich!Dan, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-03-09 08:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13477158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creamy_nuggets/pseuds/creamy_nuggets
Summary: Dan and Phil are in university, and get paired in a project which requires them to spend time together. Dan is a rich popular guy with a seemingly perfect life, and Phil isn’t sure about him





	1. Bit of a douche

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first ever fanfiction ever, so please tell me if it’s crap. Also, it’s a chaptered fic and I’ll update weekly. Just thought you should know. But yeah. ANYWAY

It was the first day of class, but honestly, everyone was still hazy from the holidays. I was sitting with my best friend, Peej, in psychology class, catching up on his holiday adventures, when the professor walked in.  
“Alright class, enough! We have a schedule to get going, and honestly, I can’t wait till it’s over,” professer Summer announced. “This semester we’re going to be learning the concept of manipulation. Understanding your patient, or anyone for that matter, well enough to be able to make them do what you want. This time your assignment will be done in pairs. You will be required to hand in a report of your attempt at manipulating your partner, and vise-versa. You will each be given a task to accomplish, and the progress will be shown in your report. To avoid bias and also to promote the challenge, your partner has already been chosen for you,” at this, a chorus of ‘aw man’ sounded through the class. Peej and I shared a look, both mock pouting. “Hush class! As I was saying, I have chosen your partners. Now, these are the teams: Nicole Beens and Percy Gerne, Haley…” the professor carried on calling names, the class descending into chaos as they attempted to join their partners. Soon, Peej had to join a girl named Sophie, and I was left alone, waiting. “And lastly, Phil Lester and Dan Howell,” Summer finally announced.  
Dan Howell huh? I knew of him. Hell, everyone did. As far as I knew, he had a perfect life. Rich parents, pretty girlfriend, popular, and to top it all off, he had the good looks too.  
I looked around to find him making his way to my desk.  
“Hey, I’m Phil,” I said, extending my hand.  
“Dan,” he said, and maybe he didn’t see it, but he didn’t shake my hand. Instead, he pulled out his phone and decided to plant his butt right on top of my desk.  
“Um… right. Huh, so should we like, you know, exchange numbers?” I prompted.  
“Huh? O yeah, sure,” Dan replied distractedly. I almost doubted he’d heard me, until he pulled out a card from his pocket and flicked it at me and said, “my number is somewhere on there.”  
Well this guy was a tad bit arrogant…  
“Listen up class! So I’m going to let you choose what you want to make your partner do. Your choice will be graded along with a reason for it. Deadline is tomorrow.” Summer announced.  
“Hey, dude?” Dan suddenly asked, turning around to face me.  
“Yeah?” I asked hesitantly.  
“Tell me, how long have you had your emo fringe? Like, seriously, we’re 21, I think it’s time you got over that phase,” Dan chuckled, eyes filled with mirth. I cringed, feeling personally insulted, but also embarrassed. I thought my hair looked quite nice…  
“I… I like it ok? And why do you care anyway?” I defended.  
“Oh I don’t! Just wondering. Do you dye your hair? That kinda black seems impossible…” Dan mused.  
“Look, I don’t think my choice of style has anything to do with the project. Can we please start working on that?” I asked quickly, eager to change the topic.  
“Yeah yeah, sure. So what do you wanna make me do huh?” Dan asked with a smirk. I almost felt like he’d add a wink, but he didn’t.  
“Don’t know. I hardly even know you,” I admitted. “Um, well, what’s something you’d definitely not do?”  
“Huh, let’s see… I’d definitely not eat poop. I have a moral code against that,” Dan stated.  
“I’m not gonna write a report on making you eat poop, Dan!” I said smiling.  
“Thank god! I was worried,” he said in mock seriousness, a small smirk on his face.  
“Alright, what else?” I asked.  
“Well, I hate sports. I guess you could try and manipulate me into, I don’t know, doing sports or something?” he suggested.  
“Hm, ok… I guess that could work,” I said.  
“Sure. Just a warning though, I wouldn’t run to save my life,” Dan joked. “And what about you?”  
“Um, lets see… I’ll never get a pet hamster?” I suggested.  
“Why not?” he asked.  
“I don’t know, it just discomforts me…” I said quietly.  
“Ok, then I guess I’ll make you do that. I mean, I don’t think it’ll be that hard,” Dan said lightly. I couldn’t agree with him.  
“So I’ll text you?” I asked.  
“Yeah, you do that,” Dan said, returning to his phone. I sighed and started working on my report. Better now than at home…  
Eventually the bell rang, signaling the end of class. Dan immediately left. I packed up and waited for Peej outside the classroom.  
“So, how is he?” Peej asked as we started walking.  
“Who? Howell?” He nodded. “Well, I guess as long as I get the project done it’ll be fine… I’m not expecting much else anyway, he’s a bit of a douche,” I said. A second later I spotted Dan, not too far, staring at me with raised eyebrows. Shit. He’d definitely heard me…  
“Wouldn’t expect anything less from him. Sophie’s really nice though!” Peej said, ignorant to what just happened.  
“You like her?” I asked, distracted and embarrassed.  
“Yeah, I do actually,” he said dreamily, that’s when I realized.  
“Ooo does someone have a crush?!” I teased, laughing at his face.  
“What?! No! No way! I just said she’s nice!”  
“Someone’s getting defensive,” I said, continuing the teasing as we entered the cafeteria, tucking Dan into the back of my mind.  
We got our food and sat down at our usual table.  
“So what are you guys doing for the project?” Peej asked.  
“Well, I’m making Dan do sports and he’s apparently gonna convince me to keep a pet hamster,” I said, laughing. I just realized how incredulous that sounded.  
“Wow, that’s very Phil,” Peej laughed.  
“Ya think I should change it?” I asked.  
“If you want. The deadlines tomorrow, don’t forget,” Peej reminded me.  
***  
At the end of the day, I returned to my room in the uni hostel and collapsed on the bed. It had been an exhausting day, and I was so ready for sleep. That’s when I remembered the deadline. Damnit. I pulled out my phone, along with the card Dan had given me, and texted him.  
Phil:  
Hey, Phil here. So I was wondering if we could change the objectives for the project? I feel like the ones we have are really immature. Summer might not approve…  
Dan:  
Yeah I agree. I’m gonna make you like me  
I paused. What had I just read? Surely it didn’t mean what I though it did…  
Phil:  
What?  
Dan:  
What what? I’m not a douche ok? So whether you like it or not, you’re gonna start liking me  
Phil:  
Alright… Sure… not gonna stop you. What about me, what’ll I do?  
Dan:  
Hm. Idk mate… Btw, do you have a girlfriend? Or crush?  
Phil:  
No, why?  
Dan:  
Great! There’s this girl I want to set you up with! She’s perfect for you!  
Phil:  
You do know I’m gay right?  
Dan:  
You are? Didn’t realize…  
Phil:  
Anyway, back to the project, what am I going to do?  
Dan:  
I really have no clue  
Phil:  
Hey I’ve noticed… so you only wear black right? Whenever I’ve seen you, that’s all you’re wearing  
Dan:  
Part of the aesthetic  
Phil:  
Ah! Well get ready Daniel, I’m going to colour you up!  
Dan:  
prepare to fail mate, that ain’t happening  
Phil:  
That’s what they all say. I don’t plan on failing ok?  
Dan:  
That’s what they all say  
Phil:  
Don’t steal my words  
Dan:  
Too late buddy. Anyway, gtg, see you in class  
Phil:  
Bye!


	2. Maybe... just maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a filler chapter, but I promise the next one is the one where things get fluffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve already written the first three chapters so theyre all coming out now, but the usual publication schedule is every Monday!

As Peej and I walked to class, I noticed how on edge he was being.  
“You ok mate?” I asked  
“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine! Why?” he asked, his pitch weirdly high.  
“Dude, I’ve known you my whole life, something’s on. Spill,” I demanded.  
“It’s nothing, it’s just…” he trailed off.  
“Sophie?” I prompted.  
“Maybe?” he replied.  
“I’m not saying you should ask her out, but you should so ask her out,” I said, excited at the prospect.  
“You think?” he asked nervously as we entered class.  
“Totally. Anyway, I’ll see you after class. Gotta go find Dan,” I said, and walked towards the table we sat at yesterday. Dan was already sitting there, typing on his phone.  
“Hey,” I greeted. He look up.  
“Oh hi,” he said, and immediately put his phone away. Improvement, i thought.  
Summer walked in, and the class began. We handed in our reports and got a long lecture on “basics of manipulation 101.” As the lesson came to an end, Summer announced, “So by now you should have gathered that to manipulate someone, you must spend enough time with them to have an influence on the way they do things. This can be from a couple of hours to days. For your project, I want you and your partner to spend at least three hours a week in each other’s company. Every Monday I expect a report on how the week went. Is that clear?” the class nodded. “Perfect. Now get out, I’ll see you lot tomorrow.”  
I stood up, prepared to leave, when Dan said, ”So when do you wanna meet?”  
“Hm… I’m free today for a bit, if you’re good with that?” I said.  
“Today? Hm, not really…” Dan said, staring into space. “Actually, I’ll need to check that… I have a date I don’t really want to go to. Maybe I can use this as an excuse you know? I’ll text you.”  
“Cool. Glad to be of service!” I said, laughing. I walked off and joined Peej outside the class.  
“She said yes!!” Peej exclaimed as we started walking. “I mean, I’m not sure if she said yes just because Summer said we should spend time together, but I’m meeting her for coffee this afternoon!! Mate, I’m so excited!!”  
I laughed, “Good for you, Peej! I hope it works out!”  
“Me too! How’d it go with Howell by the way?” Peej asked.  
“Ah, you know him. I mean, his objective is to make me like him, and I know he’s trying, but well…” I shrugged.  
“You’re a hard person to please, Lester,” Peej said, chuckling. “It wasn’t until five months of knowing each other that you finally decided you liked me. I honestly think Howell’s got the most difficult project.”  
“Yeah yeah, whatever,” I said, laughing.  
As usual, we sat down at our lunch table, chatting about everything and anything.  
Peej’s parents were coming here in two weeks, and apparently they wanted to take us to an amusement park. ‘No excuses’ they’d said. I was looking forward to spending time with them… Ever since I had a fallout with my parents and left home, they’d become like my second family. Even after three years of being in university my parents hadn’t contacted me, but I was indifferent now. It did bother me at first, but eventually I grew up and realized not everything was perfect. If my parents didn’t agree with my life choices, I wasn’t going to ask for their opinion.  
“Earth to Lester?” Peej said. I startled, waking out of my thoughts.  
“Huh, oh, sorry,” I said quickly. “What were you saying?”  
“I was saying, the bell just rang. Might wanna run, or you’ll be late for English,” he said.  
“Oh, yeah… Well I’ll see you after class then?” I asked.  
“Hm… I don’t know, I’m meeting Sophie remember?” He said.  
“Oh, yeah! Then I’ll only see you tomorrow. Enjoy your date!” I said, and took off towards English.  
***  
Halfway through the lecture, my phone buzzed. It was a message from Dan.  
Dan:  
Hey, I can make it this afternoon. What time?  
Phil:  
16:00?  
Dan:  
Good with me. Meet me at the car park  
“Mr. Lester?” I heard the professor say. I looked up from my phone to see a stern face staring at me, etched with disappointment. “Please put that phone away and listen to me, I will not be disrespected in my class like that.”  
Damn, I’d forgotten how strict Renton was…  
“Sorry sir,” I said quickly, shoving my phone into my pocket. Howell was going to get me into trouble…  
***  
At 15:45 I made my way down to the car park to find Dan already there, standing by a shiny sports car, texting on his phone. Damn, you could write a love story about Dan and his phone…  
“Hey, Howell,” I greeted as I got closer. He looked up and smiled.  
“Hey, you’re early,” he said.  
I shrugged, “Peej has gone on a date, I was bored, so I thought I’d wait here for you.”  
“Peej?” Dan asked as we got into his car. It was a black Ferrari, and it was incredibly comfortable. 10/10 would recommend.  
“My best friend,” I said, answering Dan’s question.  
“Ah ok,” he replied.  
“So where are we going?” I asked him as he started the car.  
“Well, we could go anywhere for coffee, or we could go to my house. Coffee would entail sitting and talking and the possibility of meeting more people. Going home would entail lying on a couch playing Mario Kart. Your choice.”  
“Option B. Definitely. I mean, who can say no to Mario Kart?” I asked. We both laughed.  
Nodding, Dan said, “Great choice.”  
And so we ended up driving to Dan’s house (which turned out to be a mansion) and I realized he wasn’t actually bad company. I got so lost in the banter, I didn’t realize I’d completely lost sight of my objective. Dan on the other hand? Well, let’s just say Peej was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t that difficult for me to like someone…


	3. Can I tell you something?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s lots of fluff in this. Hope you like it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update on Monday!

“Hey hey hey! That’s cheating!” Dan screamed as I climbed onto him.  
“All’s fair in love and war! And this war my friend!” I laughed, my character zooming ahead of Dan’s, going to first place.  
“Ahhhh no! Phil, get off!” Dan screamed, but the laugh was clearly audible. I crossed the finish line, and pumped my fist in the hair.  
“Yaaaay!” I screamed, rolling off Dan and lying on the bed. “I did it! I won!” I was smiling, broad enough that my tongue stuck out. I turned to Dan, who was staring at me and shaking his head, but he was also smiling.  
“You’re a cheater Phil!” he screamed, flopping down on the bed with me. “I’d have won that if you hadn’t fucking climbed on me!”  
“You wouldn’t have! I was winning ok?” I said, unable to stop a chuckle from escaping.  
“Sure whatever, Phil!” Dan laughed.  
Eventually our laughter settled and we fell silent, both of us staring at the ceiling, recovering from the game. I turned my head to Dan, finding him already looking at me.  
“What?” I asked, getting self conscious.  
“You’re adorable,” Dan said, smiling sweetly. I gasped.  
“I am so not adorable! I’m… I’m scary ok?! Very intimidating!” I defended loudly.  
Dan laughed again, shaking his head. “Adorable and ridiculous,” he concluded.  
“Shut up,” I said, chuckling.  
We fell into silence again. Comfortable. For some reason, in the past few hours I’d spent with Dan, neither of us felt the need to fill the silences. We’d get immersed in our thoughts, and be completely comfortable.  
After a while, I sighed. Turning to Dan again, I asked, “What are you thinking about?”  
He faced me, half grinning. “You,” he said. I blinked, surprised.  
“What?” I asked.  
“You,” he repeated. Laughing, he said, “I’m thinking about how you’re so open with everyone. You don’t hide anything or keep any secrets.”  
I shrugged, “I have no one to keep anything from. And I have nothing to keep from anyone.”  
He shook his head, disagreeing. “Everyone around you knows you’re gay,” he argued.  
“Well, yeah. Either they accept me as being gay, or they stop talking to me. It’s not always worked out you know?” I said, turning my entire body to face him.  
“What do you mean?” he asked, doing the same. “Everyone likes you. How can they not, you’re very likable…” Dan said.  
“Yeah, well… not always apparently. At least not from the people who matter.” Dan raised his eyebrows in question. I sighed. “My parents kicked my out of the house when I told them. They didn’t want to be living with an ‘abomination’ apparently.”  
Dan looked at me wide eyed. “Where did you go?” he whispered.  
“Peej’s house. His parents were so kind. They’re practically my family now,” I replied.  
Dan nodded, face frowned. We became quiet again. I stared at Dan, studying his features. He was looking somewhere in concentration, as though thinking about something important.  
“Phil…” he said slowly. “Can I tell you something?”  
I paused, surprised. Then I nodded, “Absolutely.”  
“And… and you won’t tell anyone?” he hesitated. I frowned, concerned about him.  
“I won’t, I promise. Not even Peej,” I said with a half smile, wanting to erase the frown from his beautiful face. Beautiful? I mentally slapped myself. Nope nope no. I was not going to fall for Dan Howell. No.  
Dan sighed. “Well… there’s… there’s this thing I’ve… Ive known, for… a while…” he said slowly, not meeting my eyes.  
“Hey…” I said softly. “Don’t worry, I’m just Phil.”  
He looked up and smiled. “That’s why I’m able to do this,” he said quietly. Somehow, in the short time I’d met Dan, he seemed to trust me. Just a few hours of eating, talking and playing Mario Kart had made us close. It was like we’d known each other for four years and not four hours. I blinked myself out of my thoughts, focusing on what Dan was saying. “I…” he said, breathing deeply. “I think… I think I might be bi…” he said quietly. Almost quiet enough that I didn’t here him. Almost.  
As soon as I heard that, as soon as I registered what he’d said, my heart leaped. It suddenly started beating so hard I could feel the blood rushing to my head, hear the beat of it thumping.  
“I… “ I said, dumbfounded. “Wow… ok.”  
“Ok?” Dan asked.  
“Well, I was expecting something like ‘I’m adopted’ or ‘I have herpes and I touched you and you also probably have it now sorry’ you know?” I said, chuckling.  
Dan face melted in relief. “You idiot,” he said, laughing. I laughed with him, glad that he wasn’t tense anymore. And also a bit thrilled at the news.  
“Have you told anyone else?” I asked. Dan looked at me, still smiling, and shook his head.  
“No, just you. I mean, there’s no one I can tell you know?” he said.  
“What about your girlfriend?” I asked, curiously. “‘Jenna’ I think?”  
Dan huffed. “Well, that’s a bit difficult. She’s… not exactly the most approachable person,” Dan said looking up at the ceiling. “She’d care more about the new shoes I’ll buy her, or where I’ll take her for our next date. If I told her, she’d throw a fit. Probably tell someone else, who’ll tell someone else and then everyone will know. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet…”  
I nodded in understanding. “Don’t worry, it’s ok if you don’t want to.”  
Dan smiled at me, eyes sparkling from the light of the setting sun streaming through the window. His chocolaty eyes, so deep you could see the whole universe in it. Sparkling and beautiful.  
“Thank you,” he said quietly.  
“No problem,” I said with a small smile.  
Here we were, wrapped in our small bubble of bliss. Who’d have thought that me, Phil, just boring old Phil, would ever be lying in Daniel Howell’s bed, protected from the world in his massive house.  
“How could I repay you Phil?” Dan suddenly asked. My eyes widened.  
“I… you don’t…” I stumbled. But then I remembered something. “Well… there is something…” I said, a smirk building on my face.  
“Well?” Dan prompted.  
“Time to change your wardrobe my friend!” I screamed gleefully.  
“Nooooo!” Dan cried. “I was hoping you’d forgotten about that!”  
“NEVAH! Are you free tomorrow? Let’s go shopping?!” I said, excitement building up in my gut.  
“Phiiiiiiiiil! Do we really have to do this?! Come on!” Dan cribbed. Well, pretended to. I could see the excitement building behind his eyes.  
“It’ll be fun! After class then? And it’s a Friday! We can spend the whole day out!” I said, sitting up. I was so excited I felt like jumping around the room. “Come one Danny, don’t be a spoilt sport!”  
“Ugh fiiiiiine,” Dan ‘begrudgingly’ agreed. Ha! Score one for Phil!  
“Yisss!!” I celebrated.  
I noticed Dan staring at me (again) and asked, “what?!”  
He chuckling, “Nothing, just absorbing your adorableness.”  
“Stahhhp, I’m not adorable!” I said, laughing.  
“Of course you are! You’re like a smol puppy!” Dan teased, sitting up as well.  
“O yeah, well you’re… you’re like a… a kitten stuck on a tree! Beat that!” I said, the smile on my face growing.  
“O hell no! You’re just saying that cause you’re a… a butterfly! A pink one! That’s… that’s stuck on a marshmallow!” Dan fought back.  
“A pink butterfly stuck on a marshmallow?!” I laughed. “You’re ridiculous!”  
“I’m ridiculous?!” Dan said incredulously.  
“Shut up!” I said, chuckling. Sighing, I checked my watch, noticing that it was already 8:30. “Ah damn! I have to leave! Hostel gates close in half an hour. See you tomorrow?” I asked Dan. Dan’s face dropped.  
“Do you really have to leave?” He asked.  
“Yeah…” I said sadly, getting off the bed and wearing my shoes.  
“Fine, but I’ll drop you back. And we’re going shopping tomorrow after class,” he said strictly as though he was the one who’d convinced me.  
“O nO dAn DoNt MaKe Me!” I mocked him, chuckling. He stuck his tongue out at me got up and left the room.  
“Hurry up if you don’t want to be left behind!” he called from outside. Shaking my head, I ran after him. Slowly though. I wasn’t in that much of a hurry to leave.


	4. How on Earth?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff fluff fluff, don’t wanna spoil, so enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m just putting it out there, I’m not in uni and never have been, so please forgive me for any mistakes in context!

PJ was waiting for me outside English when I came out. We hadn’t seen each other all day because he’d had to take Sophie out for lunch.  
“So you two a thing now?” I asked him as we walked towards the parking space.  
“Who, Soph? Well... I guess? I asked her to come with me to Della’s party tomorrow, and she said yes! So there’s definitely something going on,” PJ said joyfully.  
“Ah you lucky guy! This project is really helping your love life!” I laughed, teasing him as we neared the car park. I realized it was raining outside. In fact, it was so heavy, I could hardly see two meters away.  
“Jesus, when did this happen!” PJ exclaimed, having to shout over the pounding rain. I shook my head, worried that I wouldn’t be able to find Dan now.  
“Phil!” I heard a voice call. I looked around trying to locate it. Squinting into the rain, I noticed a figure in black running towards us. Dan?  
He stumbled into the shelter of the uni, panting heavily. PJ and I shared a look.  
“Um... Dan? Are you ok?” I asked slowly. He held up a finger from his bent over position, still busy catching his breath. Sighing, he stood up and looked at me.  
“I swear to god, the weather has a thing against me,” he said as a ran his fingers through his wet hair. I sucked in a breath, cause holy shit.  
“Huh, well, you didn’t need to run in the rain...” I said slowly, a bit lost for words from Dan’s accidental modeling. Dan shrugged.  
“No big deal, I’m fine,” he said casually. He turned to PJ and extended his hand, “Hey, I’m Dan. I’m assuming you’re ‘Peej’?”  
PJ blinked, surprised, “Huh, yeah, I am... Nice to meet you.”  
“You too,” Dan replied. He then turned to me again, “Ready to go?”  
“Um, yeah sure, let’s go. Where’s your car?” I asked.  
“Oh it’s parked a bit away...” he said slowly, probably realizing he was going to have to run back.  
“Seriously?” I laughed. Even PJ snorted a bit at that. “Do you realize you could’ve just got the car here?” I asked, still chuckling.  
“Hey, shut up! I thought I was late, I wasn’t thinking right ok? And besides, there’s no point standing here and regretting certain decisions, we need to go!” Dan said quickly, trying to justify himself as well as change the topic.  
“Yeah, sure Dan. We’re getting late for a thing without a time limit,” I teased. Dab huffed and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the drenching rain.  
“Stop being slow, come on!” he wined. I turned to PJ to say bye, and saw him looking at Dan with raised eyebrows. I chuckled.  
“Bye Peej!” I managed to scream before being pulled into the unforgiving rain.  
Dan and I ran. Well, Dan ran. I was kind of being dragged, somehow managing to keep putting one foot in front of another. I couldn’t even see where we were going, all that kept me from getting lost was Dan’s hand in mine, clasping hard enough that even the slippery water didn’t loosen the grip.  
Without warning, Dan suddenly came to a stop, causing me to collide with him. We both lost our footing, stumbling. Through the pounding of the rain, I heard a dull ‘thud’ and we both became still. Blinking away the water from my eyes, I noticed the position we were in.  
Dan was laying over the hood of a car, eyes wide and bewildered, breathing heavily. My eyes were a few inches from his, just as surprised. I was practically lying on top of him.  
Our eyes met for a moment, and it might sound cheesy, but I’m quite sure time stopped. Dan looked at me with an intense expression, and if I didn’t know better, I’d have said it was awe. We got lost in each other’s eyes for that moment. I stared at his, seeing the stars sparkle in them, getting brighter the longer I stared. I was falling into them, getting lost in a world I wasn’t familiar with. I was about to brush away a curl from his face, just wanting to touch him, when he blinked.  
The loss of eye contact must’ve knocked some sense into me, because the next thing I knew, I was standing up  
I coughed awkwardly and stepped back. Dan looked away and stumbled up, standing in the rain for a few seconds before walking towards the driver seat. I followed his lead and got into the warm and dry safety of the car.  
We sat in silence for a second, before I said, “So... um, where are we going?”  
Dan cleared his throat. “I know a place, I think you’ll like it?” he said. Well, asked.  
“Yeah, um... that sounds great,” I said, trying to defuse the awkward air between us. He nodded and started the car, pulling out of the car park.  
Dan fiddled a bit with the sound system and suddenly a rhythmic beat of drums filled the car. I recognize the song immediately.  
“‘This is gospel?!” I asked, surprised. Dan’s eyes widened, and he quickly nodded.  
“You know it?!” he asked, equally excited as me.  
“Are you kidding?! I love it! I love Panic! in general to be honest!” I said enthusiastically, sitting up straight and turning to Dan.  
“Really?! What’s your favorite song?” Dan asked. I paused, thinking. I’d never really been made to choose...  
“Probably ‘Death Of a Bachelor’? Or ‘LA Devotee’? One of those...” I contemplated. “What about you?”  
“House Of Memories,” Dan said immediately. “The lyrics and the rhythm, just amazing!”  
“No way! That’s the one that got me into them!” I exclaimed.  
“Really?! Wow! I actually can’t actually believe there’s someone else who has the same taste in music!” Dan laughed. He was smiling broadly, the laugh lines beside his eyes more prominent than ever. Even with his eyes focused on the road, I could still see the way they had brightened up.  
“Thank this project!” I laughed, sitting back down and trying to calm my nerves.  
We both settled back into the comfortable silence we’d gotten used to. The song played in the background, and I mouthed the words, ‘...led away by imperfect imposters. Oh woah oh oh oh o woah...’  
“So how was your day?” Dan asked. I sighed.  
“Huh, well there was class, and then lunch, and then class. And then I’m here. Honestly, this is the best part of my day,” I joked. Dan smiled.  
“I’m glad to be a highlight in your day Phil,” he said in a mockingly sweet way.  
“You’re ridiculous,” I laughed.  
“We’ve had this conversation before Phil, it’s not me who’s ridiculous, it’s you,” Dan teased, glancing at me.  
“Yeah yeah, whatever. You’re just a hypocrite. Where are we going by the way?” I said as I noticed we were on the road that lead directly to Dan’s house.  
Dan smirked, “You’ll see.”  
“Um, how about no? I thought we were going shopping Dan. I was really looking forward to that!” I complained. Dan looked at me, mirth filling his eyes.  
“We _are _going shopping. Just in a slightly dryer place, so we don’t have to keep ducking from the rain. I mean, your hair is already really wet,” Dan pointed out. I huffed.__  
“Fine, whatever. But you’re still wearing colors to class on Monday. You promised,” I said stubbornly.  
Dan let out a chuckle, “Don’t worry, I will.”

***

We both stumbled into the house, dripping water everywhere, messing up the (probably very expensive) carpet decorating the floor.  
When I said Dan’s house was a mansion, I meant it quite literally. It was huge, with a giant lounge as you entered, winding stairs going up to Dan’s room on the far wall, a huge kitchen opening into a lawn, and probably twenty guest rooms. He even had a swimming pool outside.  
This time, however, there was something new. The sofas from the lounge had been moved to one corner, and in their place, right in the center of the room, were three longs rows of clothes. They were hanging like they would in a shop, except they were here. In Dan’s house.  
“How on earth?!” I turned to Dan, a smile growing on my face. Dan smiled back at me, slowly chuckling.  
“Told you you’d like it!” he said happily.  
I was about to respond when a voice sounded, “Oh good, you’re here, I’ve made tea for everyone and cookies are in the oven.”  
I turned around, causing my eyes to suddenly widen. The person in front of me was a stereotypical male fashion designer. He had a quiff up, bright red shirt, complete with a scarf and black pants. My gaydar pointed to the extreme, and to be honest, after I got the smell of cookies from the kitchen, I think I might’ve fallen in love.  
“Hello, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Jeff,” he said walking up to us.  
“Hi, I’m Phil,” I greeted.  
“I know, Dan told me. In fact, he couldn’t stop telling me. On and on about ‘Phil this, and Phil that’. It was quite surprising to be honest,” Jeff said with a smirk. I blinked and turned to a very red Dan.  
“I think those cookies are burning Jeff, why don’t you go check on them?” Dan said quickly, not meeting my eyes.  
“Hm hmm, sure, ‘the cookies are burning’” Jeff chuckled as he walked back to the kitchen.  
“So, what did you tell him exactly?” I said, close to doubling over in laughter.  
Dan, albeit very embarrassed, met my eyes and replied, “Nothing much. Just ranted about how adorable you are.”  
“Shut up! Lying makes you go to hell ok?” I laughed. Dan shook his head, chuckling quietly.  
“Shall we?” He asked, nodding towards the racks of clothes. I nodded eagerly, both of us heading in to start the search.  
“You get to choose what you want! As long as it’s color, I’m fine,” I announced.  
“Right ok,” Dan said, staring at the clothes with a frown. He looked lost, as though colors confused him. Shaking my head, I decided we needed a professional.  
“I’m gonna go find Jeff! He seemed to know what to do,” I joked and headed towards the kitchen. I walked in to find him bringing the cookies out of the oven. The room was filled with the smell of chocolaty goodness.  
“Need help?” I asked. Jeff looked up and shook his head.  
“Nope. But I’m guessing you do?” he asked. I chuckled.  
“You guessed right. Dan’s a bit lost right now,” I said, humour filling my voice. Jeff smiled and nodded.  
“I’d imagine so. When he told me he wanted all the colorful clothes I had, I was thrown into another universe. Didn’t think there could be anyone who’d be able to make him wear color again,” Jeff said. Somehow, the way he said it made it sound sad.  
“Um... What’s wrong Jeff? Are you ok?” I asked, concerned.  
He just looked at me and smiled a really sad smile. Picking up the tray of cookies, he headed towards the doorway. As he passed me he said, “Take care of him Phil.” And then he left.  
I stood their, confused for a long moment. What had just happened? Were there things about Dan I didn’t know? Things that could have something to do with him always wearing black? What if the black clothes had a deeper meaning than I’d initially thought? I didn’t know, but I definitely intended on finding out.


	5. Easy to manipulate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping and lots of other fun stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I used to have a schedule that I never followed, but that kinda disintegrated... I’m guessing it’s now a ‘when I finish the chapter which will probably be 3 days’ thing...  
> Anyway, enjoy!

“Guys, this needs to stop. I’ve spent the last hour trying on at least thirty sets of clothing, how have you not made your mind up yet?!” Dan complained for about the fiftieth time as he stepped out of the bathroom. Jeff and I had turned a deaf ear to him after the fifth. All of us knew he was secretly enjoying it.  
“This one looks good, but it doesn’t really... fit?” Jeff contemplated. I nodded, agreeing.  
“What do you mean, it fits perfectly. At least these pants actually go down to my ankles, unlike a few I’ve tried,” Dan mused, looking down at his pants.  
“That’s not what he means. It doesn’t fit your personality,” I explained.  
“How do you know that’s what he means?” Dan asked incredulously. “But whatever, in case you haven’t noticed, black fits my personality perfectly.”  
“No it doesn’t, you just think it does, so you sport it well. It looks good, but it doesn’t fit, just like this one,” I explained.  
“Ah I know!” Jeff suddenly piqued up and ran towards the racks of clothing.  
“Not again,” Dan wined.  
“I’d have thought you’d get used to that by now?” I laughed.  
“Easy for you to say. I mean, this is fun, sure, but I’m so tired Phil... I just wanna collapse onto the bed and sleep till next year,” Dan sighed, leaning against the wall.  
“Ok, I think we can stop after this one Daniel,” Jeff announced. Dan’s eyes melted with relief.  
“What you got there Jeff?” I called out to him. He made his way out of the racks and sauntered over to us. He was holding a pile of clothes that he handed to Dan, who promptly took them and disappeared into the bathroom.  
I knew this was the last time I would have this opportunity, so I turned to Jeff and said, “Can I ask you something?”  
“Sure,” Jeff replied, frowning. “What’s wrong?”  
“I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier. About how you thought no one could make Dan wear colour again. What did you mean exactly?” I asked carefully. Jeff sighed and looked away, leaning against a sofa.  
“It’s a long story Phil, and I don’t really think I should be the one to tell you. It’s really Dan’s story to tell, I’m sorry,” Jeff replied.  
“No no no don’t be sorry, I completely understand! I’m sorry I asked, I was just curious,” I quickly explained.  
Before Jeff could reply, the bathroom door swung open and Dan walked out.  
“Well, what about this?” Dan asked as he sauntered into the room.  
“That,” I said slowly, “is so freaking cute.”  
“Wait what?” Dan said confused.  
“Now this is what actually fits,” Jeff said, a satisfied smile on his face.  
“Well done mate,” I congratulated.  
“No no no, wait hang on guys. What do you mean by ‘cute’,” Dan asked, clearly offended.  
I smirked. “It means you look cute. I mean, really, not everyone can pull off a Totoro t-shirt Dan! And you have to admit, you love it, don’t you?!” I prodded.  
“Well, it’s certainly more comfortable than some other things you’ve made me wear,” Dan replied.  
“Yeah yeah, if you were looking for comfort, you wouldn’t wear leather pants three days in the week. And then you call me emo,” I laughed. Dan smiled and shook his head.  
“Your hair is definitely emo. I like to think of myself as edgy and cool, ok? And I don’t wear leather pants, those are just some really tight jeans,” he said, his voice filled with humour. He tried to sound defensive, but we all knew he was just playing along.  
“Keep telling yourself that,” I joked. “At least we managed to make you wear blue jeans this time,” Jeff added, laughing.  
“I know right? I mean, even though it’s dark, it’s not black, and that’s all that counts,” I replied. Dan just shook his head.  
“Well if you’re both done here, can I go sleep?” Dan asked.  
“Sure, Phil and I will just be in the theatre playing Donkey Kong or something,” Jeff stated playfully.  
Wait. Theatre?  
“If you’re tryna temp me it’s not working,” Dan said, turning away from us and making his way to the stairs.  
“Wait guys what? You have a theatre in your house?” I asked incredulously.  
Jeff turned to me with an excited smile, “Oh mate, you have no idea what you’re missing if you haven’t seen Dan’s theatre.”  
“Yeah, show him. Just don’t make too much noise, I’ll be trying to sleep,” Dan said.  
“I can’t guaranty anything. I mean, I feel like Phil’s a noisy one, ya know?” Jeff said with a wink, making sure everyone heard the double meaning.  
I felt my face turn red and Dan stopped in his tracks and turned to us. While he was trying to laugh it off, I noticed the way his eyes remained dull. Not like it was on the ride here, or when we were on the hood of the car. Now it was just... brown.  
“Maybe I should come with, just for some parental guidance,” Dan said jokingly. Maybe. I couldn’t tell if he was being serious.  
“You’re just using that as an excuse to play Donkey Kong,” Jeff laughed. He saw my face and his eyes widened. “You look like an actual tomato Phil,” he said, trying to hide his laughter.  
“Shut up, Jeff,” I laughed, turning away. I caught Dan’s eye, who immediately looked elsewhere. I blinked. What was happening?  
“If you guys don’t mind, I’m quickly gonna go make some phone calls to my people to come take these clothes away. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Jeff explained and walked towards the lawn, pulling out his phone.  
“Um, I’m gonna go change. Don’t wanna spoil the clothes before class,” Dan said and started up the stairs.  
“Wait!” I called. Dan stopped and turned to me. “You... you don’t have to change. Class is only on Monday, you have the whole weekend before you have to wear it again?” My voice turned up at the end, making the statement seem like a question.  
“Well, I guess...” Dan hesitated.  
“Then come on, show me your theatre!” I said, smiling sweetly. I didn’t know what was bothering Dan, but I would still try to make it go away.  
Dan sighed. “Fine, alright. Come on,” he said, and started down the stairs again. I smiled at my victory and waited for Dan.  
“That was easy,” I laughed. “You’re actually quite easy to manipulate, Daniel.”  
“Yeah yeah, whatever. I can’t be the only one though?” He asked. We started walking in the general direction of the hallway leading towards the numerous guest bedrooms. And apparently a theatre?  
“What do you mean?” I asked with a smirk, knowing exactly what he was trying to say.  
“Well, you aren’t the only one doing a project,” Dan prompted. We passed a couple of doors before Dan turned left. I followed.  
“Yeah the whole class is doing it. So what?” I acted ignorant, enjoying this. At the end of the corridor were a pair of black double doors, like the ones leading towards an actually theatre.  
“Come on, Phil, you know what I’m trying to get to!” Dan insisted, seemingly annoyed. We arrived at the door and Dan pushed them open, revealing a cozy dark room. It wasn’t like your average theatre, with fifty uncomfortable chairs. In fact, there were only about twelve seats, and they were big. Like, ‘straighten my legs and still have room to be comfortable’ big. They were almost like beds...  
My eyes widened and jaw hung open. “Woah...” I said in awe.  
“Like it?” Dan asked, satisfied.  
“Are you kidding, this is epic!” I laughed as I stepped inside.  
“Come on, let’s go sit down,” Dan said and grabbed me hand, dragging me to the front.  
“Slow down!” I laughed. We both sat down in the same seat, even though our heights made it a tight fit. We adjusted for a few seconds until we were comfortable.  
Leaning back, Dan asked, “So what’s the verdict, did I pass?”  
“Pass what?” I asked.  
“The project, Phil. The reason you’re here?” Dan asked, like he was talking to a child.  
“What project?” I smirked, leaning back so our faces were closer together.  
“You know what I’m talking about,” Dan chuckled softly.  
“I really don’t,” I smirked, “Why don’t you tell me?”  
“Oh, is that what you’re going for hm? You just want me to say it?” Dan said, finally figuring it out.  
“Say what? I don’t know what you’re trying to get at Daniel,” I teased. We were talking in almost whispers, like sharing a secret.  
“Well, Phil. Let me ask you directly,” Dan whispered with conviction. He shifted so he was sitting on my legs, practically straddling them. “Tell me Phil, after so many hours of gaming and shopping,” Dan said, “have I managed to accomplish by target? Tell me...” he got his face closer, our noses touching, “do you like me now?”  
I sucked in a breath, gazing at Dan’s eyes, so close to mine. The deep brown sparkled now. It was like a new universe had just taken birth inside them, like the stars from the night were blazing inside these pools of life.  
I smiled, a soft quiet smile, and said, “Dan, it took me five months to warm up to PJ, my best friend, and practically my brother. At the beginning of the project, he warned me that you had the most difficult task.” At this, Dan’s eyes widened in panic. He was about to say something when I interrupted. “But. Either I’ve changed or you’re just a wizard of some sort, because I’d be stupid to not like you by now.”  
“So... you do?” he hesitated. I sighed.  
“Yes Dan, I do,” I said with a smile.  
Dan relaxed, smiling back at me. “That’s... that’s great,” he whispered. We sat there, Dan straddling me, faces almost touching and getting lost in each other.  
In the past two days I felt more content in the moments I was spending with Dan than I have been my whole life. It was peaceful, the only place where I didn’t have expectations to fulfill. I could just... be. And even when we spoke, it came naturally. I didn’t need to try to be funny or make him laugh. I said what I thought and didn’t get judged.  
“Phil?” Dan muttered into the silence.  
“Yes, Dan?” I answered, bumping our noses together softly.  
“Have you ever kissed a boy?” he asked, not meeting my eyes. I blinked at him, confused.  
“I... yeah. I have,” I confessed. “Why?”  
Dan met my gaze, shifting a little. “What... what was it like?” he asked carefully. I frowned.  
“Dan, what is this about?” I asked. He sighed, leaning back.  
“I’m just... I guess I’m curious,” Dan explained. I sighed, nodding.  
“That makes sense. But just a warning, it’s not actually different from kissing a girl,” I said, shrugging.  
“Really?” Dan said, interest seemingly piqued now I that I’d said something. “Who was your first kiss?” he asked.  
“Oh, are we having that conversation now,” I chuckled. “Ok, well, his name was Mike, my neighbor back when I lived with my parents.”  
“Mike? Was he your boyfriend?” Dan inquired.  
“No no, it was an accident really,” I said. “We just met in the woods behind the house. Started talking, and then eventually we kissed.” I said simply. “What about you? Your first kiss?”  
“Well, I was seven, and apparently I was dating this girl, and then one day we decided we would kiss, so we snuck away from grade 1 ‘draw your favorite animal’ and kissed. I remember it being quite gross and promising to never do it again,” he joked. We both laughed, filling up the room.  
“That’s precious,” I said, shaking my head.  
We were about to go silent again when Dan asked, “Hey Phil, what’s your plan for the weekend?”  
“Huh, well, I’m gonna go home now and then sleep. Then maybe wake up really late tomorrow and just be lazy till I manage to convince myself to be productive. And then I’ll probably finish whatever assignment is overdue,” I stated. “Quite boring, really.”  
“Great! Does that mean you can come over?!” Dan asked excitedly.  
“Yeah, I guess I can,” I said, smiling.  
I heard the door swing open and Jeff’s voice filled the room, “Hate to interrupt this cozy ‘let’s climb on each other’ session, but pizza is here!”


	6. Let’s sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...stuff happens...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day! So I know this took a while, and I’m really sorry about that, but hopefully this makes up for it!  
> Also, please tell me if you notice any mistakes!  
> ENJOY!!

So remember how I promised Dan that I’d come over the next day? It was currently 23:30 on the same day and we were discussing sleeping arrangements...  
“I could just move? That would solve all our problems!” Dan exclaimed.  
“No no no, that won’t work, then the three of us will just be stuck in three different rooms and that just ruins it for everyone,” Jeff replied, slouching back into the sofa.  
“What if we move the mattresses?” I asked from my armchair.  
“Yes!” Dan screamed. “That’s a great idea, we can take one single mattress from the guest room and put it on the floor of my room?”  
“Or, let’s get one mattress from the guest room and the double from your bed and put them on the floor of the lounge!” Jeff concluded. I nodded, agreeing with him.  
“And then we can watch Pirates of the Caribbean till tomorrow,” I laughed.  
“Tomorrow isn’t really that far...” Dan said, looking up at the clock.  
“Good point, we better start moving,” I replied and lifted myself off the armchair.  
The three of us padded over to the nearest guest room (which could classify as a master bedroom in any other house) and gathered on one side of the bed.  
“Just a warning, I’m not exactly the strongest person,” I laughed as we cleared the pillows.  
“Don’t worry, compared to Dan, everyone is strong,” Jeff joked.  
“Hey!” Dan screamed in defense.  
“What? You’re not denying it,” Jeff pointed out.  
“Yeah yeah, whatever. On the count of three ok?” Dan announced. We nodded. “Three, two, one, haul!”  
We pulled on the mattress, dragging it toward the floor. Once we had it there, through some unspoken communication, we decided to lift it on its side and drag it to the lounge.  
We got to the threshold of the door when the first break was required.  
“O my god, who knew mattresses were this heavy,” Jeff sighed, leaning against the wall.  
“Come on guys, it’s not that heavy,” I said laughing.  
Dan squinted at me. “Says the person who’s panting and falling over a wall. Yeah Phil, it’s not heavy at all,” he rolled his eyes.  
“Look, we need to take it a long way from here, might as well do it in one go,” I defended. “Oh wait! I know what we need!” I pushed off the wall and ran (ok, jogged) to get my phone from the lounge.  
“Phil?! What you doing?!” Dan shouted from the room.  
“Music!” I screamed back as I plugged my phone into Dan’s sound system (that’s right, an actual sound system.)  
Immediately my favorite playlist started playing. I return to the room to find Jeff and Dan smiling and shaking their heads. Dan had the ‘this guy’ look on his face that I’d become quite familiar with. I smile back.  
“Come on, let’s get this show on the road!” I cheered. We took our places around the mattress and pulled. We worked a lot more efficiently with the music. Something about getting lost in the lyrics and the rhythm just makes you forget about what you’re doing. In no time we were running up the stairs to Dan’s room and preparing to get his mattress down.  
“Guys guys guys guys guys!” Dan said suddenly, eyes wide with excitement.  
“What?” I asked.  
“We’re taking a mattress down the stairs,” Dan stated, eyes sparkling. Jeff’s eyes widened.  
“Oh no. Dan no. No, we’re not gonna do that,” Jeff started suddenly.  
Confused, I asked, “Not gonna do what?”  
“Something that once almost made me lose an arm,” Jeff exaggerated.  
“Hm, it was a scratch Jeff. That maybe bled a little. All you needed was a plaster,” Dan rolled his eyes.  
From what they were saying, I managed to gather that it was definitely mildly dangerous...  
“Are you guys talking about the whole ‘skate the mattress down the stairs’ thing?” I asked hesitating.  
“Yep,” Dan nodded. “And Jeff here is scared. So it’s just gonna be the both of us doing it!”  
“I’m not scared, I’m worried,” Jeff defended.  
“Yeah yeah, sure,” Dan mocked.  
And that’s how I found myself on a mattress at the top of a spiraling staircase next to Dan.  
“This is going to be a disaster...” I muttered.  
“No idea what you’re talking about,” Dan belted, and then Jeff was pushing us down.  
Imagine a rollercoaster, cause that’s exactly what it was. Except, the knowledge that ‘this has been tested regularly and is very safe’ that usually kept me from a heart attack wasn’t there. So as Dan and I slid down, I couldn’t help but reach out and wrap my arm tightly around him. It was really just to make sure neither of us fell off. That’s it. Completely practical.  
Except then Dan’s arm came around me, and the warm fuzzes that erupted from his hand on my waist—  
 _Shut it Phil! Crushing on Dan is the last thing you need!_  
I came back to reality when we thumped at the bottom of stairs, narrowly missing bumping my head against the railing.  
“That was amazing!” Dan howled, jumping up. The loss of his arm felt wrong, but I sighed and stood up.  
Jeff came running down, laughing loudly, and Dan laughed with him. I wanted to get lost in that sound, the pure happiness that resonated from it, but I couldn’t get myself to. Even though I’d just had a huge adrenaline dose, I didn’t feel it. Instead I felt the dread of knowing what was coming. I was attracted to Dan. There was no doubt about it now. And I was quite sure if I stayed here any longer, I’d end up in a mess. Dan had a girlfriend, and there’s no way he was attracted to me.  
“Phil, are you even listening?” Dan’s voice called. I blinked myself back to reality, noticing that they had already moved the mattress into place.  
“Huh? What?”  
“I asked which movie you wanted to watch?” Dan responded.  
“Johnny Depp in all his piraty glory?” I suggested. Dan smiled.  
“Yeah, but which one?  
“I like, ‘At worlds end’ the most! Let’s watch that!” Jeff shouted from the mattress, already on the floor.  
“‘At worlds end’ it is then” Dan stated and went to set it up. “Phil could you get the popcorn from the kitchen? It’s in the microwave.”  
I nodded and headed out.  
This was going to be a long night... I was going to have to suffer being next to Dan, sleeping next to Dan, act like everything was fine, when internally I was struggling to distance my emotions from him. I still had a whole year of uni left, I couldn’t let my feelings for Dan distract me.  
I sighed as I entered the kitchen, heading to the microwave to get the popcorn. I was leaving when I noticed something. Dan’s fridge was covered with pictures, mostly from parties, some from what looked like holidays.  
One of them caught my eye, a candid picture of Dan and Jenna dancing together. It was innocent, and yet that’s what seemed to hurt me most. I felt a sharp cut slice through my heart, deepening my resolve to distance myself from Dan.  
Tonight. Tonight was all I would give myself. I’d enjoy every moment of it, live it with complete awareness. I wasn’t going to get this night back, I couldn’t let myself.  
Sighing again, I headed back to the lounge with a new plan. This was going to work, it had to.

***

We were all huddled together, halfway through the movie when Jeff’s phone rang. We all jumped, surprised by the sudden noise in the then quiet scene.  
“Pause it a second,” Jeff told Dan, and went away to answer the call.  
Pausing it, Dan let out a huge sigh, his head falling against my shoulder. I felt the fuzzes again, radiating from my shoulder to the rest of my body like a bunch of bees.  
“I’m sleepy,” Dan wined.  
“So sleep,” I answered.  
“I don’t want to,” he replied.  
“Why not?” I asked.  
“Cause you’re here, and Jeff’s here and it would be a waste to sleep,” he answered.  
“Are we really worth it?,” I asked, wanting to shrug, but scared that it was make Dan lift his head. I liked the feeling of it there, like a comfort weight. And maybe it helped that I liked him. A lot.  
“Guuuuuysssss,” Jeff cried as he walked towards us. “Tony just called, I need to leave. See you guys later?”  
“Sure. Everything ok?” Dan asked.  
“Yeah yeah, it’s nothing! See you!” Jeff said and let himself out.  
“Who’s Tony?” I asked Dan.  
“Jeff’s boyfriend. Well, kinda... It’s an on and off thing,” Dan explained.  
“Ah ok. So you want to continue watching?” I asked.  
“Hm, I don’t know... I’m sleepy...” Dan said, lifting his head and stretched.  
“Let’s sleep,” I said, yawning. Dan nodded.  
We shifted and laid side by side on the mattress. There was a lot more space now that Jeff was gone.  
Both of us turned on our sides, facing each other. We stayed silent for a while, until I said, “Tell me something about yourself that I don’t know.”  
Dan raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised. “Well... ok... Remember how I made fun of your emo hair? Well, I used to have the same style. In fact, I only stopped straightening it a few months ago,” he admitted.  
“Really? Well, it looks really nice. I like it,” I chuckled.  
“What about you?” Dan asked.  
“Hm... Let’s see... When I was five, I think, I was pushed off a slide by a classmate and I broke my collar bone. I still have a bump from then,” I reached up to my collar bone, rubbing my finger over a not very noticeable bump.  
Dan lifted his hand, reaching over to feel it. As soon as his fingers touched me, I sucked in a breath. I hoped, desperately hoped, that Dan hadn’t heard my reaction. But then we locked eyes, and the knowing look in his eyes told me what I needed to know. He suddenly looked determined about something. Before I could say anything, Dan’s hand moved.  
What moments ago was just the tip of his fingers, slowly increased to his finger pads. They moved upwards, hesitating. It was like Dan was asking for permission.  
I know I shouldn’t have, but I lifted head, giving his hand more access. My plan was suddenly the furthest thing from my mind. His fingers brushed over my skin like feathers, leaving a trail of goosebumps. This was the most innocent thing I’d done, and yet it felt the most intimate.  
Slowly, his hand traveled to the back of my neck, my eyes closing from how overwhelmed I was.  
What was happening? Was Dan actually touching me? Was I reading more into this than there was?  
No. I definitely wasn’t. Not when Dan’s thumb caressed my jaw, not when he shifter closer, and not when he breathed my name, a soft “Phil,” breaking the silence of the night.  
I opened my eyes, locking them with his. “Yes?” I mumbled back.  
“Touch me,” Dan whispered. My eyes widened slightly, and a wave of wonder coursed through me as I lifted my arm and touched Dan’s face, caressing him from the eyebrow, down to his lips.  
Dan sucked in a breath, turning his face so my hand cupped it. I moved, weaving my fingers through Dan’s hair.  
“Can I kiss you?” I asked quietly. I could feel my heart pounding, scared about what Dan’s reply would be.  
Until he whispered, “Please.”  
And then our lips were touching. A small, hesitant touch, hardly counting as a kiss. We were staring into each other’s eyes, gauging the reaction. I saw Dan’s pupils enlarge, I could feel his pulse throbbing.  
Carefully, I moved my lips, properly kissing him this time. I almost shivered. His lips were slightly cracked, but still soft, and he tasted of popcorn.  
“Again,” he said against my lips. I didn’t hesitate this time. I captured his bottom lip between mine, sucking on it. Dan breathed in deeply and shuffled closer, pressing our bodies together.  
We kissed. For what felt like hours, but was only seconds, we kissed. Eventually we parted, both of us gasping for air.  
I looked into Dan’s eyes and saw the brightness, the sparkles that resembled the starts. I saw how the darkness of his eyes had captured all the beauty of the universe, and that was the moment I knew I was in deep. Whatever plan I’d thought of was useless now, especially since I knew how Dan felt.  
I brushed the hair from his face and wrapped my arms around him. A sudden yawn came over me, reminding me how tired I was.  
“Let’s sleep,” Dan smiled softly.  
“Good idea,” I mumbled, smiling back.  
I didn’t think, I was too tired for that. No, I left the thinking to morning Phil, because right now, I had a sleepy Dan in my arms, and I wouldn’t ruin that by thinking.


	7. So how about that coffee now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They wake up and stuff happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that took a while. I’m sorry. I’ll seriously try and update as fast as possible, I just havnt had the time in the past week...

I slowly blinked my eyes open, squinting from the sudden light hitting my eyes. I groaned, turning onto my side, or trying to at least. A huge weight on top of me stopped me from moving.  
Like a rock, last night’s events hit me in the gut. I suddenly felt extremely nervous, scared and yet excited for Dan to wake up. What would he say? Did he think it was a mistake? Maybe he was just so sleep deprived, he wasn’t thinking right?  
Dan groaned on top of me, his head shifting on my chest. I desperately hoped he couldn’t hear my heart galloping...  
Groaning again, he looked up, his eyes slits. “‘Morning,” he mumbled.  
“Morning. Sleep well?” I asked, trying to gauge his mood.  
Dan nodded, still too sleepy to talk. He sighed and snuggled deeper into my chest, immediately making warm fuzzes radiate to the rest of my body.  
I almost sighed from relief. He seemed... fine. I hoped I was just overthinking everything.  
“Wasatime?” Dan murmured, his voice muffled by my chest.  
I smiled fondly and reached out to my phone, trying not to move too much, in case it disturbed Dan.  
Checking the time, I replied, “10:56. Coffee?”  
Dan groaned again, and mumbled a sleepy, “Yes.”  
I made to get up, thinking Dan would move, but he stayed still.  
“Dan, you need to get off if you want coffee,” I chuckled softly.  
“Get off?” Dan asked. I could hear the smile in his voice, even though I couldn’t see his face. I shook my head, amazed at how he could have his sense of humour even half asleep.  
“You know what I mean,” I chuckled.  
“Do I?” he asked. I put my hand on his head, playing with his hair.  
“You do,” I answered. His hair was like a cloud, soft... and neat. “So you’ll move?”  
“Sure,” Dan replied. And didn’t move.  
“Dan?” I nudged him slightly. “Move a bit.”  
He sighed deeply and locked our eyes , showing me his sleep stricken face. Two second later, he climbed onto me completely, like a blanket, his head moving into the crook of my neck.  
“Huh? Daniel?” I asked.  
“You said move. I moved,” he mumbled into my neck, his breath tickling me.  
I almost snorted, but restrained incase it disturbed Dan.  
“Fine, you noodle,” I smiled.  
“I’m not a noodle,” he said, his lips now moving against my neck. I breathed in deeply, even though Dan’s weight made that slightly difficult, and enjoyed the scent of Dan that surrounded me.  
We stayed that way for a while, until eventually I wined, “Dan I can’t breathe...”  
“I’m not that heavy...” he moaned, but still rolled off me.  
Laying beside me on the mattress, he stared into my eyes. I felt a sudden deja-vu from last night.  
“How about cookies for breakfast?” Dan asked  
I grinned, “Absolutely. The day I say no to cookies, know that I’ve been replaced by a duplicate.”  
“I’ll just ask him what his favorite animal is. If he doesn’t say ‘all of them’, I’ll know it’s not you,” Dan joked.  
“All animals deserve equal love! You can’t be partial,” I defended.  
“What about a tiger that’s just killed a zebra?” Dan argued. My eyes widened with horror.  
“Noooo dont ask me things like that!” I wined. Dan shook his head, smiling.  
“Fine! But you must have a favorite dog, right?” Dan asked. I nodded vigorously.  
“Corgi! I love them! They’re so cute, with their tiny legs and massive bodies!” I laughed.  
“God, you’re adorable,” Dan stated.  
“Stop saying that!” I wined. Dan just shook his head again.  
“So how about that coffee now?” Dan asked after a few seconds. I met his eyes with a smile.  
“Coming right up!” I exclaimed.

***

Eventually I had to leave. As much as I wanted, I couldn’t have spent my whole weekend at Dan’s house.  
“Tell me how Jeff’s doing if you get any news. He seemed quite disturbed before he left,” I told Dan on the drive back. He nodded.  
“Sure. I don’t think it’s too bad though, Tony was probably just a bit lonely,” Dan joked.  
“At 2am?” I asked, laughing with him.  
“Well, you never know when the... _loneliness_ hits you,” Dan laughed.  
I laughed at how ridiculous he was being.  
Dan drove onto the campus, and parked his car. I sighed.  
“Well, I guess I’ll see you on Monday then?” I remarked. Dan turned to me.  
“I guess so,” he shrugged. I smiled at him and opened my door.  
“Bye,” I said, and started climbing out of the car.  
“Phil, wait!” Dan called. I turned, a questioning look on my face.  
“Yeah?” I asked, confused.  
“Huh.. um,” Dan hesitated. There was a pause, like the dull before a storm, and suddenly Dan’s lips were on mine. I lost my footing, surprised, and almost fell out. But Dan’s hands grabbed at my back and pulled me back in. Somehow I even managed to shut the door.  
And then we were making out. Like a couple of teenagers in a car after their first date, both of us grabbed for each other, not able to get enough.  
I climbed onto Dan, cradling him between my knees. The low roof of the car pushed us together. Our lips slid over each other’s, both fighting for dominance. He tasted of the coffee we’d just had. I loved it. I caught his bottom lip between mine, and sucked on it. Dan moaned under me, lifting his hips.  
Smirking, I pulled away, but Dan’s lips followed mine. I sat back, far enough that the kiss broke.  
We both panted for a few seconds, before I asked, “My room?”  
Dan half smiled, and nodded. Both of us immediately stumbled out of the car, hurrying to get to my room.  
We half walked, half ran into the lobby of the hostel. Running up the stairs, we rushed to my door.  
I was so excited, the key kept slipping from my hand as I tried to unlock the door. Eventually I got it open, and Dan pushed my in, shutting the door close behind us and pressing me against it.  
Our lips crashed again, in a passionate and rough kiss. We both wanted more, but we weren’t getting enough.  
I broke the kiss and trailed my lips to Dan’s jaw, sucking in some places.  
Dan’s hands tightened on my waist, his breathing getting heavier. I moved my attention to his neck, leaving a series of open mouthed kisses all over. Dan jerked under me, letting out a loud moan. He fisted my shirt in his hands, pulling me to him.  
I continued lapping at his neck, noticing the way he was affected there. “Shit Phil,” Dan moaned, his falling back against the door.  
Dan lifted his hips, connecting them with mine. A sudden burst of pleasure shot through me. Dan repeated the motion, both of us looking for some much needed friction.  
I bordered the bottom of Dan’s shirt, slipping my hand under it and lightly tracing his skin. Dan shivered under me, moaning my name.  
A sudden knock erupted from the other side of the door. Dan and I jerked apart, surprised.  
“Phil, are you in there?” Pj’s voice called. My eyes connected with Dan, my heart pounding.  
We looked like a mess. Our hair, Dan’s neck, our wrinkled clothes... they all spelled out the obvious.  
“Huh... yeah I’m here... Hang on a second!” I called back. Dan’s eyes widened in panic. I pointed to the bathroom, motioning him to go in. He quickly disappeared, leaving me to fix my appearance.  
I patted my hair down into what I hoped was appropriate, and opened the door. Pj stood there, leaning against the wall.  
“Hey Peej!” I greeted. He smiled and walked in.  
“Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to do a game night tonight? It’s been a while since we met up with Adrés,” Pj explained as he made himself comfortable on my bed.  
“Tonight? Ok, sure. As long as you promise to help me with all my assignments tomorrow. I’ve gotten absolutely nothing done till now,” I chuckled. I tried to seem calm, but internally I was hoping Pj wouldn’t stay too long.   
“Yeah of course. Oh, and also, mum and dad decided to come this week instead of next,” Pj said. I raised my eyes brows as I plopped onto the bed next to him.  
“Really? That’s great! So are you gonna introduce them to Sophie?!” I asked, excited.  
“Huh, man, I don’t know... that’s a huge step for one week...” Pj contemplated.  
“You know you want to...” I teased. Pj rolled his eyes at me.  
“Yeah yeah, whatever. Anyway, I gotta go get snacks for tonight. See you at 6?” he asked. I nodded, relieved he wasn’t staying.  
He got up and walked to the door, “Oh by the way, how was your day with Dan yesterday? The poor guy got drenched just for you,” Pj joked. I smiled fondly.  
“It was fun. We actually got him into normal clothes,” I laughed. Pj snorted and rolled his eyes. He waved and shut the door, leaving me alone in the room.  
I sighed and called out, “He’s gone, you can come out.”  
The bathroom door opened, and Dan walked out. He was still disheveled from our make up session, his hair sticking up in different directions.  
Our eyes connected, both of us knowing we needed to talk. I patted the bed next to me, and he walked over and sat down.  
To say I was nervous was an understatement. I didn’t know what Dan wanted, I didn’t know what he was going to say. Before I could overthink it, I took a deep breath and started this much needed conversation.


	8. Really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, first off, I’m sorry for taking so long in finishing this shamefully short chapter and I’m also sorry for it being the last one. Also now that the fic is over, I’ve realised how far from what I had planned it’s gone, which is why the title has no correlation to the fic whatsoever... sorry? Anyway, I hope you enjoy. And I’m sorry again.

“What are we Dan?” I asked, looking him straight in the eye. Dan looked away, hands fidgeting.  
“I don’t... I don’t know Phil... I can’t... I’m not sure what... it’s just... I have... I have a girlfriend... and—“  
“Hey, Dan,” I said softly, trying to comfort him. He looked up hesitantly. “Don’t worry, I don’t want you to feel pressured. It’s just... I want to know where we stand. That’s all,” I explained. Dan nodded, taking a deep breath.  
“Ok... ok I think, I think...” Dan murmured. I smiled softly, trying to look as reassuring as I could.  
“What do you want from me Dan?” I asked again. He sighed.  
“I don’t know... I need some time Phil?” Dan asked. I sighed and nodded. I realized how selfish I was being, asking for answers from him now.  
“Ok, ok. Time,” I stayed.  
“I’m sorry, I—“  
“Don’t apologize. I understand. But Dan, until you decide, can we... can we be friends? I don’t—“  
“Yes!” Dan almost shouted. “I mean, yeah... yeah we can still be friends. Of course.”  
I smiled, relieved. “That’s... that’s good, ok,” I reassured myself. Dan smiled at me, seeming relieved himself. I grinned back, noticing how his eyes had brightened again.  
“I should... I should go. I’ll see you on Monday?” My heart sank, but I nodded and led him to the door.  
“Have a good weekend,” I greeted. Dan waved and left, leaving me staring at his retreating back.  
I suddenly felt really weird, like I wanted Monday to come as fast as possible but at the same time, I was so nervous. I took a deep breath and headed back into my room to get ready for tonight.  
***  
“Pepperoni?” I asked PJ, who nodded, keeping his eyes fixed to the game he and Adrés were playing.  
I confirmed our order with Pizza Hut and joined them on the couch. It was already 11:30, and we were on the last leg of our tournament. Well, ‘tournament’.  
Whoever won this game of Mario Kart would play against me. And the winner got to not pay for pizza. It was a good system we had, since we were all equally skilled, so it was never the same person winning over and over again.  
“Damn it!” PJ screamed, throwing the controller down next to him.  
“That was close...” I commented, watching as Andrés’ character zoomed to the finish line.  
“That, my friend, was pure skill,” Andrés smirked.  
“Uh huh, sure mate,” I laughed as I took my place in the couch, ready to play my game.  
“Don’t ‘sure mate’ me,” Andrés whined.  
“I’ll ‘sure mate’ your mum,” I joked. My two friends just laughed and shook their heads.  
I felt a wave of familiarity course through me, and for the first time since seeing Dan’s retreating back, I finally relaxed. Whatever happens on Monday, I’ll survive.  
***  
I was dying. I felt like I’d collapse at any second, and my insides refused to stop shivering. And it wasn’t even cold.  
I was sitting in my usual seat in psychology, waiting for Dan.  
Every time someone entered the room, the butterflies inside me would flutter with a vengeance. I hated the anticipation...  
Finally, Dan entered. I noticed he was wearing the outfit I’d chosen for him on Friday, and I felt a spark of hope. Plus, he looked adorable. His eyes searched the room till they found mine. I lifted my hand to wave at him, and he smiled back and started towards me.  
“Before you ask, yes,” Dan said as soon as he got to me. I heart did five somersaults and a little fist pump.  
“Really?” I asked, eyes wide.  
“Really. I mean, I still need to speak to Jenna, but I’ve decided,” he said resolutely.  
“That’s... well, that’s great?” I laughed. I didn’t know what to think. “Wait, so... does this mean we’re... together now?” I asked in a tentative voice.  
Dan frowned, finally sitting down next to me. “If that’s what you want? I mean, I thought it was, but if it wasn’t... I... well, I—“  
“It is. What I want. You and me. Together,” I interrupted. Dan half smiled.  
“Thank god, cause that’s what I want too,” he replied.  
Our conversation got interrupted by Ms. Summers walking in, but we sat together in comfortable silence as she droned on about how disappointed she was in our project. So now we’d all have to start over. But for once I wasn’t complaining. I’d just get to spend more time with Dan.  
Halfway through the lesson, Dan’s hand slipped into mine. My eyes widened as I looked at him, and he gave me a shy smile. I smiled back and tighten my hand around his.  
I had a good feeling about this. About us. Whatever this new relationship was going to get, I was excited. And this time, I wouldn’t let anyone get in between.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was my first ever fanfiction. I hope you guys enjoyed. I tried making the ending as open ended as possible in hopes of continuing the story at some point in the future (I’m not promising anything), so let me know if you want one. Anyway, enjoy your lives, bye


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